Tough months…
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. From a headstone in Ireland
He (the Lord) heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
January and February are tough months for me, not only because they are winter months where hiking is limited, but also because they represent loss in my life. Over the years, in those two months, I’ve lost both parents, both in-law parents, and one of my two brothers. While I’m grateful that I had time with them over the years, the loss is huge. Not only do I miss them, but it’s like losing my history. My immediate family are the ones who knew me my whole life. We shared so many experiences as I grew up and well into adulthood. We shared memories that no one else can remember or relate to. Likewise, my in-law parents were a part of my life as their son and I went from a new relationship to eventually marry and raise a family.
Only one brother and I remain to recall our parents and family. Faded photographs show smiles from years ago, from lives lived well and fully, but the voices only echo in my heart. Regular family reunions with cousins are good as we can all relate to some shared history and family members, but we are all getting older too. As the youngest in my immediate family and one of the youngest of cousins, it feels like family history is slipping away like grains in an hourglass. Who can I talk, laugh, and cry with who will understand those years? Yes, January and February are hard months.
In these months, I’ve learned that it’s okay to be sad for a bit…as long as I don’t camp out in that sadness too long or too deeply. I’m always aware that I am only sad because there was much happiness and love. Yet it is crucial that I don’t spend too much time mourning the past so that I don’t miss out on the wonderful connections that I’m blessed with today. My adult children, including one child of heart, are such an incredible joy to me; I treasure every conversation and time together. Time with my brother and extended family time is also quite precious, though less frequent. My friends are a gift from God; we share many everyday adventures as well as the highs and lows of living. Then there’s my sweet pup and my dear old cat. Life IS good.
While sadness may color moments of these months as I remember so many who were so significant in my life, their legacy lives on in my life. I pray that I love as well as they did so that I make a positive difference, creating good memories, with all the loved ones that I am blessed to still share life with.
